


My Beautiful Body!

by TuppingLiberty



Series: Tlib February Ficlet Challenge 2018 [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Body Swap, Crack, February Ficlet Challenge, M/M, TAZ Stolen Century arc, Taz spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 12:18:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13589919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TuppingLiberty/pseuds/TuppingLiberty
Summary: The highest form of crack: During the Stolen Century arc, the IPRE happens to enter the Star Wars universe and land on a small outer rim planet, where Luke just happens to be because sometimes he needs to get away from everything and everyone who knows him and just find someone to have a one-night stand with. That someone, this time, is Taako. And it has unforeseen consequences.February Ficlet Challenge Day 5: Body SwapOne month. Twenty-eight prompts. Twenty-eight pairings. One ficlet a day. Write Fast.





	My Beautiful Body!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cognomen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cognomen/gifts), [Lord Vitya (ProtoDan)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProtoDan/gifts).



> From: http://queenofcoruscant.tumblr.com/post/169203337263/mickmercury-mickmercury-from-a-planet-with-2  
> from a planet with 2 suns  
> raised by extended family  
> magic powers  
> travels from world to world in a spaceship  
> finds out he has a secret twin sister whos cooler than he is & was with him the whole time  
> gay fashion icon
> 
> taako taaco or luke skywalker
> 
> gotten a lot of responses to this post but none of them compare to “star wars could canonically be one of the universes the IPRE traveled to and luke and taako probably hooked up”

When Taako wakes, he thinks Lup crawled into bed with him, as they’ve done off and on their entire lives. She's been hanging out in Barry’s quarters more, but every once and awhile he and Lup just look at each other, declare it a Twins Night, and close everyone else off.

Except, unless she’s wearing a glamour while she sleeps, Lup doesn’t have long hair right now, Taako does. And Lup doesn’t normally wear Taako’s clothes to bed. And Taako definitely didn't go back to the StarBlaster last night, because he'd picked up that hot dude in black. So why… _oh shit._

Taako reaches for his ears frantically, and nope, they’re not long and perfect and amazing, they’re short and stubby and gross and maybe they look okay on _humans_ but _not_ Taako. He pulls his hair down to his eyes and it’s wavy and blonde, which, yeah, he pulled off that look back on the beach planet, but what happens on the beach planet stays on the beach planet, and he hasn’t rocked blonde in, like, 25 years.

His hookup from last night? Yeah, that would be a human with blonde, shaggy hair and short, stubby human ears. Unpainted nails - wait - that human had a robot hand too, didn’t he? Taako pulls his hand out from under his body, and … well, fuck.

His robot hand waves at him.

Taako bursts into hysterical laughter, which wakes … what was his name? Lucas? Luke?

Probably-Luke wakes with a start, sees, presumably, himself, and immediately scrambles back and falls off the bed. Taako rolls after him, peering over the edge. “Hey, my dude, be careful, I’m not getting a new body for another…” He does the mental calculations. “Like 200 days. I’d hate to go out early, you know?”

“Wh-what the kriff?”

“Man, you should see your face. Oh, I guess you can.” Taako snickers at his joke.

“Are you - are you deranged?”

“Probably. Mostly I’ve just learned to, uh, roll with the punches. Is body swapping a thing that happens regularly in this universe?”

“What? No! Why would that be normal?”

“The things I’ve seen, my dude,” Taako says with a shrug. “You don’t even know.” But then he bolts upright, the sheets falling carelessly around his naked human body with it’s weird not-Taako skin with little dark patches that show exactly how much Taako enjoyed this body when he wasn't _in_ it but on top of it last night. “Wait, so it’s _not_ normal? So you _don’t_ know how to get us back?”

Okay, now he can panic. He pokes at his stomach, which doesn't have the soft little round pudge he adores anymore, then reaches up to grab his ears again, then looks at the robot hand. “Fuck. I _cannot_ stay like this.”

He snaps the fingers on the non-robot hand, intending to at _least_ wear a glamour, because _come on._ This is a ridiculous body.

Nothing happens.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-”

“What?”

“My magic is gone.”

“Your _magic?_ You mean The Force? Last night you told me you didn’t know anything about The Force.”

“Actually, I believe that last night I told you to call _me_ The Force, baby. Or some other stupid pick up line that actually _worked_ on you, oh my gods.” But Taako focuses in on Luke’s words. “What’s The Force? Can we use it to switch back?”

“Uh.”

Luke holds out his hand - mmm, his manicure looks nice - and looks kind of intently at a potted plant on the bedside table.

“My dude, what are you _doing?”_

“Trying to bring that plant to me.”

“What, like a levitate spell?”

“No, like using The Force-” Luke looks at him, frustrated. “You are _impossible_ to talk to.”

Taako grins. “Yeah, but the sex wasn’t half-bad, was it?”

Luke snorts, and runs his hand over his face, blushing, and damn, he’s still kind of cute even though he’s in Taako’s body and Taako’s not into himself in _that_ way. “Sure. But when I said I wanted you to get inside me, this isn’t what I meant.”

“No, no, for sure, last night was the preferable version of that, for sure.”

They look at each other for about two solid seconds before they both burst out laughing.

Taako climbs out of the bed and into a stretch. “Damn, though, I feel bad that you’re this sore. Sorry, my dude.”

Luke blushes again. “That’s okay, I like it like that.” He’s standing now, too, and he hesitates for only a second before he leans in, eyes closed, for a kiss. Taako thinks he has the right idea, and closes his eyes, too. The texture is slightly different, but with his eyes closed, he can pretend he’s just a boy kissing another boy, having a good time.

When he’s done, he’s cupping his own face, and that weirds him out enough to drop his hands. “How long did you say you were on planet again?”

Luke makes a face. “I’ve got 24 hours, tops.”

“I have a friend who might be able to help us out with the whole body swap thing, if we go back to my ship.” Taako grins. “And then maybe, if there’s time, round two?”

\---------------------------

“Uh. You want to run that by me again, bro?” Lup folds her arms over her chest, directing her gaze at Luke.

Taako whistles. “Yeah, uh, hello, I’m your brother, over here. Can’t you like, _feel_ our connection?”

“I _feel_ like my brother thinks I’m an idiot who was born yesterday.”

“Lu-Lu-”

“Uh uh. Nope.”

Taako turns to Luke. “Okay, well, I have another friend.”

\----------

“So you guys, uh, had sex, and you swapped? You know, you should really go tell a preacher. Oh- nevermind,” Merle chuckles, at his own joke, as Taako rolls his eyes at Luke.

“Yeah, okay, we got it. Are you going to cast divimination for us or not?”

Luke snorts. “Even _I_ know it’s divination.”

“Shut up, Luke.”

Merle is looking through a book and muttering to himself, “So if I cast divination, my magic puts me in contact with a god or a god’s servant-”

“God? Which?”

“Pan, specifically,” Taako supplies.

“Who’s Pan?”

“No, don’t-”

 _“Who’s Pan?”_ Merle chokes out, eyes bulging. He clutches at his chest. “Oh, my boy, oh, my lost, poor soul, oh, my-”

“Merle, cut it out.”

Merle’s grin nearly cracks his face. “Just joshin’ ya. Okay, so I can ask a question, and Pan has to give me a truthful reply.”

“Okay, so do it already, it’s weird not feeling my ears twitch, and I don’t like being powerless,” Taako complains.

“Oh, you’re not powerless,” Luke says with a laugh. “I’m- well. I’m kind of famous.”

“Me too, darling, me too.”

“No, I mean, really. If I knew how to access my powers in this body…”

“I know the feeling,” Taako responds drily. “But maybe you can show me later? I can levitate. It’s like being in zero G but down here.” He turns to whisper in Luke’s ear, “And it makes sex super fun.”

“And the reply may be a short phrase, a cryptic poem, or an omen,” Merle finishes loudly. “Okay, great Pan, hear your servant. I ask you: how do we unswap these dudes?”

There’s a silence, and Taako can’t help but tap the table. He misses his nails, they made a much more satisfying click.

“Yes, this is Pan,” a disembodied voice booms down.

“Hey, Pan, it’s your old pal Merle again.”

“Hello, Merle.” The voice does indeed sound friendly.

“So these two guys had sex and then swapped bodies and they’re hoping it’s not permanent?”

“Hmmm. What are the names?”

“Taako, from TV.”

Luke looks at him nervously, so Taako nudges him. “Luke Skywalker,” he mutters, finally.

“Hmmm. Hmmm.”

“I feel like this is more of a conversation than a short phrase or cryptic poem,” Taako complains.

“Maybe it’s just because I’m really devout.” Merle almost doesn’t make it through the sentence before laughing.

“I see the problem,” the Voice of Pan says, breaking in. “You have...how do I put this? You have crossed the streams, as it were?”

“Cryptic enough for you?” Luke’s voice is dry as dust.

“That you two found each other, across franchises, it’s, well. Amazing. But unfortunate. We have to protect the integrity of the properties. That’s why little oopsies like this happen when people like you meet. I can fix it, but only if you promise to heed the warning and stay away from each other from now on.”

“So I guess no second round, then,” Taako says with genuine sadness.

“No, I’m afraid not, Taako. The potential for altering the canon is too great. Further, uh, interaction, would be ill advised. Are you ready?”

“I can’t believe I’m getting cock-blocked by a god.”

“Try the Jedi Order,” Luke mutters.

“Yeah, we’re ready, I guess.” Taako sighs.

There’s a crack, and a flash of white light, and then he’s looking at the starship’s dining area from a different angle, and sitting across from Merle and … actual Luke in actual Luke’s body.

“Well, uh. I guess this is goodbye, or whatever,” Taako offers.

“You won’t blame me if I don’t kiss you goodbye?” Luke rubs his neck. He really is cute.

“Probably shouldn’t risk it.” But Taako follows him to the ship exit, and stops him before he can leave. “Listen, my dude. I know this was a...a thing you do, when you need to. I totally get it, that’s why I was there last night, too. Sometimes you just have to let off steam and,” he pops a lecherous grin, “get a good fuck in. But that guy you mentioned at the bar?” Taako shrugs. “I’ve seen a lot of impossible things. Making a relationship work is pretty tame on that scale.”

Luke places his hand under Taako’s on the door, their fingers only millimeters apart. “Thanks, Taako.”

“Smell you later, Luke.”

**Author's Note:**

> I could theoretically do a second chapter that's their "not half bad sex" if people wanted.


End file.
